Something different – for me

This is a double challenge: Sidey’s weekend theme is “Those that survive” and the Daily Post writing challenge has suggested “And now for something completely different“. BOTH bring up memories. Almost by definition the idea of ‘survive’ creates a revisit to difficult times, when challenge was strong, feelings were high, and stress and worry for self and others seemed nearly overwhelming. The Daily Post topic is a memory in itself, who of my age would not remember Monty Python and that first ever time the gang took off with this phrase in 1971 (according to wikipedia, my memory is not that good).

Will I challenge myself to do a John Cleese? I don’t think so… maybe another day… Sidey’s theme had me thinking about the past. This was particularly the case because, coincidentally, my ex-husband was on the island for two weeks at the end of September, visiting the family, and of course we had a lot of contact and interaction which inevitably threw up the memories. I realised that apart from an ‘about’ page, this blog has been about the present. So – completely different – a blast from the past. [Also, different, those of you who look at the blog regularly, may have noticed that I don’t do videos, or you-tube songs and music.]

In 1990/91 the year the marriage broke down for ever and I moved home and job to Edinburgh this song seemed to blare from every corner. I will survive. [First performed in 1978 by Gloria Gaynor – guess where I got the date]

I HATED it. [implies victim or something like that]

One of my friends said I was the one who got over the wall, I liked that better, she is still married and they survive too.

I loved all the single women I met in a new place, widowed, divorced and not yet married, who invited me to lunch and concerts and dancing. Thanks especially to Fred, Irene and Caroline who sang along so often. Where are you all now?

A great line in the song is: Oh as long as I know how to love I know I’ll stay alive

By definition, indeed, if alive, I have survived. Continue blogging, laughing, dancing, playing having a lot of living to do.

The loving has never stopped, it just seems to be built in along with all the other feelings that run around inside.

I try not to let some of them out. That’s part of why I read and write poetry, an acceptable place for the not-loving to live in, and indeed for me to discover the not-loving which is still hiding inside!

 

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5 thoughts on “Something different – for me

  1. I enjoyed reading this. It seems balanced and honest, and realistic and positive.

    I only just realised from reading this that you are in Edinburgh – at least part of the time – and that is where we are! What a coincidence. When I started reading your blog, I read about Shanghai, and then I thought you were in the States somewhere – and now….

    Smiles 🙂

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    1. Me – all over the place both literally and sometimes emotionally. I love my life which in 2012 has indeed been in Shanghai, then Edinburgh and now USA. I’ll be back in Edinburgh next January – hopefully – I live near the Meadows. I read your blog a few weeks ago and realised you were also in Edinburgh, wonderful city. Just off to see what you have been doing…

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  2. ‘Survival’ shows an inner strength that some people never know they have. However, allowing some of those feelings out can build that strength rather than lessen it. It takes a lot of energy and pain, sometimes, just to hold on to them. The release that comes once they go is amazing. I promise that’s true – I’ve been there.

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    1. Me too – the difference for me is between being aware and expressing, the first is needed and brings one alive, the second may be wanted but is not necessarily needed – up to you – expect consequences either way!

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